These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.
1
Three words: freedom of expression. Been thinking a lot about that recently. Why not tell that guy you like his shirt? Why not bop along to the music in your ears while walking down the street? Why not tell that girl she looks cute? What consequences do we fear? Most of them aren’t real. The rest aren’t likely. What’s holding us back?
2
8:04pm, alone in the apartment, on the couch with my feet up, computer on my lap. It’s quiet in here, dark outside. The remains of a cup of tea beside me, some camera equipment, a tissue with blood on it, my backpack, a chopping board shaped like a pig. It’s quiet in here, dark outside.
3
Spent the past eight hours hammering away at the redesign for this very website. Fasting today, so only had quick breaks for tea and pee and that was it. The hours slipped on by, hardly noticed them, in a trance with the machine.
4
Sam Harris and William MacAskill in my ears, talking about effective altruism, moral illusions, existential risk, and other mind-bending topics. “If you’re listening to this, you’re probably in the top 10% of wealthiest humans on the planet. And if you earn more than $55k a year, you’re in the top 1%.”
5
The biggest regrets we have in life are usually the things we don’t do, the chances we don’t take. I have to remind myself of this regularly, because it’s so much easier to be passive, to keep your mouth shut, to stay where you are. So much easier… but only in the short term. Remember: playing it safe is the riskiest thing you can do.
6
Been trying to get this new website launched all day. Hasn’t gone to plan. 1:17am now, still a ways to go. Guess I won’t be up at 6:45 for the usual workout. Been getting harder and harder to do that anyways, every morning dark and wet this week.
7
Man, a whole day gone again trying to get the new site launched. I had figured no more than 3 hours to make it live, ended up being more like 36. Totally derailed my week. But it’s live now, at last. Tomorrow I will go outside and interact with humans again, and eat something that isn’t toast.
8
Lay awake last night questioning my life choices, wondering why I haven’t accomplished more. I get like that sometimes. But I don’t take the doubts too seriously. Here’s how you get through it: sit down and make a plan. Figure out where you want to go and how you’re going to get there. That’s what I did this morning. I’ll sleep better tonight.
9
Today definitely a dime on the contentment scale. Got organized for the week this morning, then a tough 2-hour Freeletics workout in the park, followed by an afternoon wandering around town with a friend, chatting up a few nice ladies. Drew some smiles, had some fun. Finally chilling out at home this eve and I get a surprise call from a NYT best-selling author.
10
Been calling around to all the Irish pubs in Berlin, chatting with owners to see if they need help with anything online. Dropped into three this evening. Responses are hit and miss. Owner of the first place almost ran me out of there with a snarl, while I encountered warm welcomes at the other two. Not looking like there’s much of a market there though.
11
7:05am, at the dome in the dull and the drizzle. No circuits for me today, just some stretching and traversing, resting up a bit for the 19km obstacle course on Saturday. That and I’d rather just get back inside where it’s warm and dry. Getting fed up with this ugly weather. Tenerife will be a welcome relief.
12
Been dropping by a Toastmasters club here in Berlin the past few weeks. I was in a club years ago in New Orleans and made great progress but have since regressed with lack of practice. It’s something I’d love to dive into again. Being able to speak confidently in front of people, and effectively deliver a worthwhile message. Few things more powerful and empowering than that.
13
My most compulsive behavior? Eating. I eat to procrastinate, to relieve stress, and to cover up occasional feelings of loneliness. Like this evening. Wasn’t all that hungry, but ordered soup and bread and a big falafel sandwich at the place down the road. Ate it all, then ate some dates. I felt lonely, but still wanted to be alone.
14
Sent out an email to 3,008 close friends today asking if any of them wanted to come to Myanmar with me in March. Total cost for a 12-day, 13-night tour including round-trip flights from Bangkok is $2,400. Some people replied to say the price is far too high, that it must be a scam. Others replied to say it sounds like great value. Typical.
15
Strong Viking today. 19 kilometers through mud and cold water, beneath barbed wire, over walls, avoiding electric shocks, throwing mallets and firing paintball guns, clambering over rocky hillsides and across ditches, dragging logs and lugging sand bags. So much fucking fun. All those early mornings in the dome the past few months served me well.
16
Last night I was on my way to meet someone, running late. I sat there waiting for a tram, stressing about the lateness, somehow forgetting the fact that I was back in Amsterdam, that my favorite city lay sparkling in front of me. Finally I copped it, my shoulders relaxed, my breath deepened, and once again all was right in my world.
17
Often while traveling you encounter other cultures handling things in different ways. And sometimes you can see that it’s no better or worse than the way you’re used to; it’s just different, and it works fine for them. Other times, you encounter a culture handling things in different ways, and it’s simply fucked up and wrong.
18
We go for a walk in the park, hand-in-hand-in-pocket, stopping off to mimic statue poses, and mess around in the playground. Big kids, the two of us. Always fun with her. And bittersweet, since I’m constantly leaving town – I’ll be on a plane in six hours – leaving her behind. But I’m at peace with that, and I think she is too.
19
There’s a saying in business that most companies hire too fast and fire too slow. Similar with me and friendship. I make friends quick and easy, but take far too long to cut toxic “friends” loose. Let someone go today, should have done it much earlier. Final straw was a casual insult he threw my way, and realizing that I’d gained zero value from being connected to him all these years.
20
My sublet here in Berlin is ending a week earlier than expected, so moved my flight to Tenerife forward and will be heading there on Tuesday. Berlin has been okay, but only okay. Doubt I’ll be back next summer. If I’m going to have a home base (or two), it should be some place I love living.
21
Describing my daily routine, and he’s a bit taken aback by how disciplined I am. “How aren’t you a millionaire already?” This coming from a guy who’s making six figures a year online. I laugh at his question, though I ask myself the same thing sometimes. Thought I’d be much further along financially by now. But hey, at least I’m taking the scenic route.
22
I’ve often felt nostalgic when leaving a place, thinking how this may be the last time I cycle past that church, or climb those steps, or visit that cafe. Not the same significance here in Berlin though. Feeling indifferent towards this city. That said, it’s been good to me. Met some great people, had some nice times.
23
You ever think that there may be something out there you’ve yet to try – some sport or activity, maybe even a job or a musical instrument – that you’re destined to love? Something transformative. You’d try it one time and think to yourself, “How haven’t I done this before? This is it! This is what I was born to do!” I reckon there’s something like that out there for everyone.
24
My most productive month this year, by far, was January. Had a tight deadline to finish the content for 3M1K and get the thing launched, and the only way I was able to do it was by not checking email or Facebook before 6pm every day. You’d think I would have kept that habit, but no, fell right back into distraction mode in February. Cal Newport’s latest is pulling me out again.
25
Tenerife is a big island. So big it takes 90 minutes for the bus trip from the airport to my new home town of Puerto de la Cruz. And I step off that bus into a tropical rainstorm, get drenched going to pick up keys and finding the apartment. But I’ve got a big stupid smile on my face all the while.
26
Walking home after dark, a solid day behind me. Got a routine figured out, put in a couple of high-intensity work sessions, explored several miles on the run, saw a spectacular view or two, met some cool people. Now catching sweet smells in the air and noticing Mars and Saturn shining bright in the sky. Think I’m going to like it here.
27
Settled now in Tenerife, experimenting with a 5:30am alarm and finished work by 1pm. This “fixed-schedule productivity” was one of the big recommendations in Deep Work. The idea being that restricting work hours naturally weeds out tasks of the frivolous variety. Plenty of time then in the evenings for Spanish study and surf lessons.
28
Tom from Wales. Ben and George from England. Anita from Canada. Sarah from Germany. Aarón and Santi from Tenerife. Orsi from Romania. Dan from Australia. And myself. All sat on a big balcony laughing and chatting and looking out over a swimming pool and terraced walkways beneath a clear night sky.
29
Hike to the westernmost point of Tenerife. There’s a lighthouse and steps down to a swim spot. I’m not much of a swimmer, but everyone’s jumping from the steps into the blue so I give it a try.
If they can do it…
Start low and work my way up, eventually jumping three times from the top, dropping a dozen feet, maybe more.
…so can I.
30
Sunday morning, at a black sand beach before the sun breaches the hill. Like I said, I’m not much of a swimmer, so best make the most of living here and practice some. Stretch and run some rocks first, then a half hour in the water, breath work mostly. Slow progress, frustrating at times, but it feels right being out there.
31
Had a Spanish lesson booked this afternoon but teacher was a no-show. Spent an hour on Duolingo instead, but that won’t get me very far. It’s speaking practice I need most. Set a goal with my Mastermind buddy that I’ll do at least 3 hours of focused speaking practice a week. $150 penalty for every half hour I’m short.