These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.
1
Feeling a bit stuck with the apartment situation here in Amsterdam. Subletting is illegal, so I can’t do the AirBnB thing when I’m out of town and earn €80-100 a night. I could give up the apartment, hit the road for a month, then try rent anew when I return, but I doubt I’d find something as good as this again. Fuck it. I’ll just get rich and buy a place. Problem solved.
2
Back to Sarphatipark in the mornings with the weather warming up. Jog over, bit of a stretch, some time on the bars. Then precision jumping and balance work, followed by a few sprints. Stroll back through De Pijp, seeing the shopkeepers opening up, the market coming to life. Pause for a bit on a canal bridge with the sun shining through. Feel grateful that I get to live here.
3
Not relying on my ever-wavering willpower to get it done, I told my Mastermind buddy last night that I’d get the sales page for 3M1K fully rewritten and published by the end of the week… or pay a €1,000 fine. With that fire toasting my buns, today I finished the first draft and opened it up for feedback.
4
Added a new task to my morning routine, inspired by these wise words from Zig Ziglar: “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Going forward, each morning I’ll seek out something positive, something inspiring, and post it on the DtR Facebook page. Fuel for the fire.
5
A real hardcore head-down no-fucking-around work day today. Shut off all the distractions, let the messages pile up, and immersed myself in crafting that sales page. Still a good chunk left to do on it, but methinks I’m on track to avoid the big penalty. Will need to put in a few hours on Saturday and Sunday, but that’s okay.
6
What a shit night. And it ends with me home alone, unable to sleep, having a porn relapse and eating junk I’m not hungry for. Punishing myself. Self-destruct mode. And why? Frustrated that I let several more opportunities slip by at that bar. Realizing I can’t rely on myself to push interactions automatically. Gotta put the training wheels back on.
7
At a friend’s place for a dinner party. Beautiful apartment, much bigger than mine, decent location, his mortgage costs less than my rent each month, and he can sublet for a small fortune when he’s out of town. Never though I’d be checking out mortgage rates so soon here in the Netherlands, but it sounds like a smart move.
8
Today was the deadline, and I got it done. New sales page up, €1,000 saved. Amazing how much a penalty like that gets me motivated, how many things fall by the wayside when you have a gun to your head. You stop procrastinating, stop making excuses, clock in and do the work.
9
Reading back over that entry from the 6th, and it strikes me how fast I bounced back. I went to bed sad and lonely and frustrated but felt right as rain and nare a derail the next day and on into this week. Before I hit the hay that night I stood in front of the mirror, looked myself in the eye, and reminded the guy in the glass that I love him no matter what.
10
Some fecker buckled the wheel of my bike overnight. Brought it down to the bike shop at Heinekenplein today. After the usual great service from them last time, I posted a recommendation on Facebook and they caught wind of it, had a bottle of rum there for me when I called in again. Today they refused payment for fixing the wheel, so I went and bought them a 12-pack.
11
I still keep up with the NBA stuff. Steph Curry has been phenomenal this season, and was today named the first ever unanimous MVP. Reading comments on YouTube though, I’m reminded what drove me away from writing about basketball years ago. So many haters. What sad lives they must lead.
12
Comment from a 3M1Ker: “You don’t start by having a good day and then get lots done. First, you do something well, and then you get the inspired, happy day.” How true that is, and the same theme can be found in many situations. Trying to remind myself of that in the social sphere. Gotta go talk to people even when I don’t feel like it.
13
What frustrates me more than anything is repeating the same mistakes over and over. For example, I know what it takes to do well in the dating scene, but I’ll often let myself fall in a rut and avoid doing the things that will get me out of it. That kills me. That self-sabotage, feeling unworthy of happiness and success. Didn’t fall for it today though. Today I did myself proud.
14
Three hours of sleep last night but didn’t feel it today. It will probably catch up with me tomorrow or next week, but right now I’ve got fizz in my veins. It’s the assertiveness methinks. Going after what you want, speaking your mind, being more authentic… you’d think it’d tire you out but more often it energizes you.
15
Went and did the tourist thing at Keukenhof, which was beautiful, all kinds of flowers I’d never seen before. Though there was the usual insanity on full display at such a popular spot. Lots of people experiencing the whole thing through their screens, and willing to trample each other for the perfect selfie. Silly humans.
16
Reminder: don’t take your thoughts or emotions too seriously when you’re tired. Best not make big decisions when your energy’s low. I’ve been dragging ass today, moving in slow motion, but I’ve been here enough to know it’s just one of those days. I’ll knock a few easy items off the to-do list, get a good night’s sleep, and be back at it full speed tomorrow.
17
Definitely can’t continue with the rental situation here in Amsterdam. It’s not so much the price that I mind, but not being able to sublet. Next month, for example, I’ll be out of town for a week. If I could sublet I’d pocket €500 or more while I’m away. As it stands, I’ll be paying for an empty apartment. Looking for other options.
18
Went to bed last night thinking I’d try find a job for a few months so I could secure a mortgage here, would cost less per month and then I’d be able to sublet, too. Woke up this morning thinking no, fuck that, I’ll just leave town instead. Too many sacrifices and expenses required to stay. I’ve had a good year here. Time to move on.
19
Gave notice to my landlord this morning, brain in overdrive now trying to figure out next moves. Estonia? Romania? Tenerife? I won’t go full nomadic again – too exhausting – but would like to find a couple of places I could spend ~5 months a year in. No tax obligation that way. In theory at least. Hard to get straight answers on this stuff.
20
If you could know in advance the date of your death, would you want to know? I would. If I had one more year as opposed to fifty, that would change my priorities quite a bit. The same way my priorities have changed now that I know I’ll be leaving Amsterdam July 5th. Time to start doing and seeing all those things I’d been putting off.
21
Alright, pretty much settled on Berlin now. I’ll probably head to Estonia first to get the business set up there, then to the German capital. Bigger city, thriving digital nomad community, fairly inexpensive, and I already know a few people there so not starting from scratch again with the social circle.
22
Sorry, Estonia. This morning’s research session has Hong Kong emerging as the front-runner for my business registration. 0% tax and I wouldn’t have to worry about VAT either. I’ve lost €1,100 to VAT already this year since I absorb that cost on sales to European customers. Gotta make some calls first, but could well be heading to HK in July to get everything set up.
23
Yesterday I was at a talk by a guy who runs a Dutch health website and does pretty well for himself. One article alone generates €2-3k a month for him. He talked about producing in-depth, authoritative content and marketing the bejesus out of it. Good to hear, since I’ve been inching down that path myself lately. Published this monster this morning.
24
Hired another VA today. Had to talk myself down off a ledge yesterday as I was caught up thinking I needed to do a ton of outreach myself. Now I’ve hired someone for $15/hour to do most of that and I can use the free time to do some client work at $80/hour. It’s a no-brainer really, but still a struggle for me to let go and trust others to help out.
25
About twenty of us on a party boat cruising the canals this eve, with drinks and music and a loudspeaker and a gay unicorn mask. Stopped off for a bite at a cruise-through pizza place, didn’t even have to step ashore. Then a little rooftop shindig afterwards with bubbles and the good chat. Gonna miss living in this town.
26
At dinner with a friend and she’s sharing something she’s noticed about me, something not altogether pleasant. I can feel my shoulders tense. I have that urge to shut down, so the hurt can’t get me. But I try to stay with her, listen to what she’s saying, see where she’s coming from. And you know what, after a while, I realize she has a point.
27
Out with the lads, really not in the mood to go chatting up women after a long work day. But J’s a good wingman and he nudges me towards bright eyes and a pretty face. And it goes fine. She’s friendly and likes travel and ultimate and we chat for a bit. Turns out she has a boyfriend so no-go there, but glad I gave it a shot. Makes the next one easier.
28
Back in my Bangkok days I’d make myself go out alone to a nightclub, head straight to the dance floor and just let rip. I eventually grew comfortable in that environment, thought little of taking a lady by the hand and making moves. But I’ve grown stale over the years, and scared. Now I’m timid on the dance floor, and that’s getting me nowhere.
29
Half nine on a Sunday. Sitting here with incense burning, reflecting on the weekend. Wrapped it up at a bar off Leidseplein, had some flirty times and scored two numbers. Felt natural, almost effortless. But only because of the two nights that came before.
30
Having a mild panic attack as I look at my to-do list this morning. Three client projects on the go, inbox looking cluttered, and a $1k penalty if I don’t get 400+ emails sent out in the next 36 hours. Okay, first order of business then: go take a nap. I’ll get everything untangled and renegotiated this afternoon with a clear head.
31
3:27 a.m. Been at the computer for most of the past fourteen hours, getting those emails sent out and avoiding the $1k penalty. Mission accomplished. But I’m not sure the goal was a good one in the first place. The whole point was to build back links and get more traffic flowing. Will have to wait and see if that’ll happen now, but I’m feeling skeptical.