These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.
1
I haven’t been sleeping a lot this week, mind too excited with the upcoming launch of this guide teaching people how to work online and travel the world. I lie awake at night with thoughts of how to make it better, come conscious an hour before dawn with an idea of something else to add. It will be the best thing I’ve ever brought into existence.
2
I’m very aware of the voice of self-sabotage within, telling me I don’t need to spend all these hours on graphics or formatting or a thousand other little things. But what that voice is really saying is that if I don’t give it my best shot, then I’m off the hook should it fall flat; I can take solace in knowing that I didn’t really try, didn’t really care. But I do, and so I will.
3
It’s not Van Gogh’s art that hits me so much as his story. At the museum I spend more time reading about his life and work than looking at his paintings. He only began at age 27 and died ten years later. He got so good so fast because he was very systematic and disciplined in his work, always pushing to experiment and learn from others.
4
Clothing budget reset with the calendar flipped, I visit five different stores and try on seven different shirts before buying just the one. My rule is that I have to love the clothes I buy; liking isn’t good enough. So I look at many and try on a lot, and make myself walk away if it’s not perfect.
5
We hit the beach as everyone else is leaving. Dark clouds are moving in and the wind is picking up. Ten minutes later we’re cold specks in a dull sea, but happy just the same, feeling again like we’re part of this planet. Later we sit behind clear glass drinking warm tea talking about biting nails and watching porn and sometimes saying no words at all.
6
Working full-time now on the guide and prepping for the launch. A lot hinges on how this thing fares. I’ve defined success as selling at least 100 copies the first week, affiliate sales not included. That would make it a $5k launch or thereabouts. If I hit that mark I’ll invest a lot more time and energy into it. Otherwise I’ll flip my focus back to freelance.
7
She wants more than I’m willing to give. We talked about this before, but seems we need to talk about it again. This is good for me though. I’ve always struggled with setting and enforcing boundaries, but I’ve been stronger about it since moving here, sticking to my priorities, not willing to budge. I’m not such a nice guy anymore, but probably a better man.
8
A friend asked me today what’s the biggest threat to a successful launch of my guide on the 21st. I think it’s exhaustion. I’m averaging 6.4 hours of sleep so far this month, about an hour less than usual. You only get away with that for so long before a crash comes. I’m making good time for sleep, but still lying awake at night with the wheels turning.
9
Trying to fit in some client work between everything I’m doing for this guide. Typical that old clients would come out of the woodwork around this time, when I’ve already got my hands full. I’ve turned down some work offers, trying to push others to next month. I could have gotten a chunk done this evening but really needed the downtime.
10
I want a business like my body. I look in the mirror and like what I see. Room for improvement, certainly, but overall it looks good and performs well. And how did I get this body? By exercising regularly and eating pretty healthy, day after day and week after week for several years now. I’ve been disciplined, and persistent. I’ll get there with the business, too.
11
Neither of us have driven a boat before, but we’re in one now, navigating the back canals of Amsterdam, struggling to keep the bow straight and avoid floating tourist buses. I read this morning that these waterways were dug by hand in the 17th century, the houses alongside built on pylons driven into the earth by manual labor. The more I learn about this city, the more I love it.
12
It’s 1:39am on a Monday morning, been working away here for several hours. I’ve shifted to American time, looking to be well in sync with most of my readers for the launch next week. I usually take Sundays off but wanted to get a first draft of the guide out to a few people today. It’s uploading now. Yoghurt to celebrate.
13
Wondering now if I’ve seriously under-priced this thing. Showed a friend the launch page today and her first comment was that the price was too low, and one reader I gave a sneak peek to has already claimed one of the coaching packages, saying it’s “amazing value!” No way to know where the sweet spot is. Only time will tell.
14
Running through De Pijp on my way to the park, and I’m a well-oiled machine. My body takes firm steps, turns tight corners, feels no pain. My mind is sharp, aware of surroundings, looking forward to another day of fulfilling work. Perhaps it’s this overconfidence, this illusion of invincibility, that leads to me hobbling home a half hour later.
15
Running on fumes now, chugging green smoothies to try offset the lack of sleep. The guide launches in six days and there’s a lot left to do, feel like I’m juggling knives. I’ve barely left the apartment since Saturday. Not sure I’ve ever worked this hard on something, or cared this much. It’s a beautiful time in my life, in an exhausting kind of way.
16
A young man and woman call to my door, say they’re collecting money for a charity to help poor people in the Netherlands. They seem nice and genuine and everything, but I tell them straight that I don’t give away money without careful consideration. “There’s too much pressure, face-to-face,” I tell them. “What’s your website? I’ll check it later and decide then.”
17
Working on the audio and video for the guide now, spent about six hours at it today, and will need a bigger push tomorrow to polish it off. Then it’s various loose ends that need tying up before the launch on Tuesday. I’m feeling good though overall. People are emailing me saying they’re excited to buy this thing, and I’ll be proud to sell it to them.
18.
Skipping cheat day. I allow myself apple pie and a couple coffees, but that’s as far as it goes. I’m trying to keep the diet clean to compensate for lack of sleep the past few weeks, feel myself tip-toeing that exhaustion line and a junk food feast would be enough to send me stumbling. These are lessons learned the hard way through three years of Mardi Gras.
19
RescueTime shows that I’ve logged 83.5 hours on the laptop this past week at 76% productivity. The week before was 64 hours. It’s a wonder I’m not more exhausted right now. I guess it helps that I’ve cut out all distractions; I’ve had nothing to do but work, eat, and make quick trips to the park and grocery store. Coming together nicely. 36 hours to launch.
20
Alright, I’m just about done. Everything’s ready for tomorrow. I still don’t know how successful this launch will be, but I couldn’t have worked any harder these past few weeks so I’ll just have to be at peace with whatever happens. Now let me kick back, have some cereal, and watch a half hour of Hank Moody shenanigans before bed.
21
Pre-launch doubts creeping in. Recording them here before things kick off in a couple of hours. What if I fall well short of my goal to make 100 sales this week? I free-write and remind myself that the plan here in Amsterdam is to build my business and finances, and that it will take years, not months, to get them looking how I want. This is just the first step.
22
I make myself stay offline right out of bed, knowing that if I check my email real quick I’ll get sucked into the vortex. So I let the laptop sleep and head to the park for some exercise, come back and meditate for twenty minutes. Then, finally, I boot up the machine and check the numbers. Well holy fuck: I’ve pulled in $5,000 in 24 hours.
23
5:38am as I’m writing this, just finished up a free webinar. Had about thirty attendees and only sold four copies of the guide from it so far, but happy nonetheless. Provided good value, learned a lot, and I still have the recording to send out tomorrow, so that might drive a few more sales. I’m about a dozen away from hitting the century target.
24
I’ve annoyed some people with the sales push this week, had a lot more unsubscribes than usual, and comments outright telling me I was going way overboard. Also this week I’ve had many people tell me they love the guide and would have happily paid more for it, and others saying they admire my marketing efforts. Funny old world.
25
Most of the interior is painted green. There’s a mural of Bob Marley, a swing hanging from the ceiling, and a cat that must be stoned out of its mind all the damn time. I’m the only guy in here not smoking, just wanted to keep my friend company. I’ve never taken a puff of a joint, never consumed an illegal drug, but not for the reasons you might think.
26
“I don’t mean to be rude, but…” Those are her first words to me, followed by the message that she and her friends would rather not make my acquaintance. Fast forward no more than five minutes and a cute Latvian girl is leaning in to say, “I wish more guys could be like you.” Funny old world.
27
There’s something different in her eyes, in the way she looks at me. There’s a flicker of doubt in there, or fear, the blue not as bright as before. Crosses my mind that it may just be my imagination. Why risk ruining a perfectly nice evening by saying something? So, of course, I go ahead and say something.
28
I did an interview with the biggest radio station in Ireland today. They booked me into a studio here in Amsterdam, thought it was going to be recorded but went out live. Not a bad interview, but I felt I could have done a lot better. Two key takeaways: 1) Never ask the host, “How are you?”; 2) Start with a story rather than wait for a question.
29
Suffering from a bit of a post-launch hangover. Mostly it’s the lack of sleep catching up with me. Took a massive effort today to get just three hours of client work done. Chatted with a biz-savvy friend on Skype though this afternoon and he got me excited again about the next phase of the guide, and some other projects I have in mind.
30
Next time you’re tempted to get into an argument with someone on Facebook over some emotionally charged topic, stop and ask yourself how likely it is that they will eventually feel compelled to respond with one of the following:
- Good point. I hadn’t thought of it that way.
- Ah, okay. I see where you’re coming from now.
- It seems I was mistaken. My apologies.
Now ask yourself if you’ve ever had the maturity to respond as such.
31
It’s been my best ever month in business. I’d never cracked the $7k mark before, and here I’ve gone and done it within a couple of months of settling down in one place. Next month will be tougher though. I’ve got a lot of work to do before I’m pulling in $7k a month consistently. But I know I’ll get there. It’s simply inevitable.