Momentos – July 2016

These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.

1

We’re standing around chatting under a tarp, alongside a truck that’s been around Africa, when Savannah’s voice asks if we’d like to hold the snake. Sure enough, when we turn, there she is wielding a copper-colored creature that must be five feet long. And the answer is yes.

2

Keeping an eye on them across the bar. They’re probably exchanging numbers. I should have made it clear earlier that she’s here with me. Thinking of going over there now to make amends but she seems to be enjoying herself. I leave town in three days so no right to be possessive. She’ll come home with me tonight; whatever happens after I’m gone is none of my business.

3

You learn something new in each relationship. What have I learned in this one? Perhaps the biggest thing is that I was always holding back before. But with this girl I’m more myself than ever. I’ve said things in past relationships that drew head shakes and eye rolls, but those same things crack her up or turn her on. Two peas.

4

Sun going down, walking hand in hand around my neck of the hood – bridges, kisses, glows from windows – saying goodbye. I’ll be leaving this town and this girl tomorrow. I’ve left towns and girls before, but this feels different. Less goodbye, more see you later.

5

We’ve spent the last four nights together, making the most of the time we have left. Deadlines’ll do that. Now she’s at the station seeing me off, like a sweetheart. On the bus and talking on the phone through the glass, like two people in love. I don’t know, maybe we are. But is that enough?

6

Wandering around Berlin today, looking at bland buildings, trying to figure out the metro and a sim card and where to buy groceries and all that tedious stuff… I’m well aware that leaving Amsterdam may have been a bad move. I’m also well aware that it may have been a great move. You make choices, and then you make the most of them.

7

One of the best things I do for productivity: stay away from email/Facebook/text until the evening. That’s how I got 50+ lessons for 3M1K written in January, and that’s how I stayed focused and got lots of important shit today. So why don’t I use this blackout strategy more often? Because important work is scary and difficult. Checking email/Facebook/text is easy and familiar.

8

I’m at a dimly-lit cafe with mismatched furniture, drinking tea with an Australian dude I first and last met in Colombia two years back. I thought he already knew my biggest secret, but he doesn’t, so I tell the story. It was formative, that experience. For a very long time it felt like a curse. Now I’m grateful to have gone through it all.

9

It’s warm and after midnight and I’m walking towards Hackescher Markt with my jacket in one hand and a double-chocolate donut in the other. She’s in my ears from 400 miles away, asking if I miss her. And I say not yet, because that’s the truth; it’s only been four days. We don’t talk for very long after that.

10

After a year in Amsterdam I had lots of demands on my time and energy. Once you get to know people in a particular place, it’s hard to make time for them all, tough to say no to frequent requests to hang or help out. These first few days in Berlin seem very free by comparison. Another reason why I’ve been getting a shit-ton of work done.

11

Hanging with a legend of a lady in Neukölln. This is the third country we’ve met in. She’s been here for two years now, showing me around. Easily one of my favorite things about this town so far is the abundance of good, cheap restaurants. You can get a solid, healthy meal in a thousand different eateries for €5 or less.

12

Writing this from the common area in my shared Airbnb. There’s an Israeli programmer working across the table from me and two Russians cooking up a storm in the kitchen. In an hour or so I’m heading out to meet an Australian friend. We’re going to grab Turkish food and then throw a frisbee in the park. Starting to feel like a real-deal digital nomad again.

13

Got invited to an informal digital nomad meetup this eve. Fascinating hearing the different ways money gets made. One guy sells niche tees by the truckload. Another builds software for a company that finds rightful heirs to unclaimed fortunes. The more you hear these stories, the more you realize how much opportunity is floating around out there.

14

We haven’t been in touch much this week. I definitely broke something with those words on Saturday. Called her today while walking home through the park, an uphill conversation. She’s wary of me now. I was careful not to make any promises, but only in words. It’s the unspoken that’s been broken.

15

I’ve been learning a bit of German, spending a half hour doing flashcards and duolingo in the mornings. But the hardest thing with a foreign language is forcing yourself to speak it, not getting flustered and retreating to English or silence. Got some practice in at the little lunch place down the street today, ordering mostly in German. Sehr gut ja.

16

Tourist day in Berlin, with a girl I’ve now met on three continents. We do the buffet breakfast, visit the Brandenburg Gate, and walk the longest stretch of wall still standing. Later we visit a specific park for reasons I’d best not write about. Everywhere we go there’s a backdrop of graffiti and a soundtrack of street music and the weight of history.

17

Trying to take after a friend I met in Amsterdam. She’d practice Dutch with anyone and everyone, even me. Didn’t matter that I couldn’t understand a word; she just wanted to get more reps in, get used to those sounds in her mouth. And she was always so fun and pleasant about it that you enjoyed the exchange regardless.

18

I self-sabotaged this past weekend. Came home from an 80’s dance party at 3am yesterday morning pretty tired yet decided to stay up and watch a movie. Didn’t get to sleep until 7am, and only slept six hours total. Another six last night. Exhausted today, not enough will power in stock to knuckle down and get a good day’s work done. Ugh.

19

Last day in Berlin. I’ll be in Amsterdam and Ireland the next couple of weeks. Then back here pretty much full-time til November. I do like this town. Lots more digital nomad types about, my rent is half what I was paying in Amsterdam, plenty of cheap places to eat out, and no shortage of things to see and do.

20

Long hot train ride to Amsterdam, step off and there’s a beautiful woman turning heads in a fresh dress the color of tropical ocean. She’s been waiting for me, the sweaty guy without a home. We’ll go grab food and she’ll ask if I hooked up these past two weeks in Berlin, and I’ll tell her no because I wasn’t looking, but that last part isn’t entirely true.

21

There’s a great scene in the movie Inside Out – you can watch it here – where Sadness comforts Bing Bong not by trying to make him feel better, but by listening and acknowledging and even sharing his sorrow. It’s especially tough for us men to do that methinks, eager as we are to find a quick fix for every pickle. Today I got to practice.

22

I’ve been moving back towards a veg diet the past few weeks, and Safran Foer’s book is getting me there faster. (Best not read that if you want to keep eating animals. You’ll know too much.) I doubt I’ll ever go full-on vegan again, but I definitely want to cut back, steering especially clear of factory farmed meat and dairy. Which, unfortunately, seems to be the majority of it.

23

Looking through childhood photos back home. I’m in my mid-thirties now, the same age as my parents in many of those images. It’s an odd feeling, seeing stills of them in their prime, realizing it all goes by in a blink. Tomorrow they’ll be married forty years. My dad remembers life without electricity. We’ll never be here again.

24

Susan Cain wrote that introverts “may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas.” Those jim-jams fit me perfectly. Lots of social interaction today and it was enjoyable, but also exhausting. On the introvert/extrovert spectrum, I’m definitely left of center.

25

Something we’re not taught in schools that’s so crucial to good living, is the mindfulness to ask and the ability to answer the question, “How do I know this is true?” The things you read in the newspaper or hear from an expert or see on Facebook or even think in your head… all things that could well be bullshit and lead you astray.

26

Reading back over my post three years ago about quitting veganism. I still agree with the points made there, but see now that meat eating is a very slippery slope for me. I call factory farms “an abomination,” and they are, but most of the meat I’ve eaten the past three years has probably been factory farmed. That makes me part of the problem.

27

Some days I feel like the luckiest dude in the world, mostly because of the people I happen to be related to or friends with. Last night I crashed at my cousin’s house. Today I spent several hours being fed and loved and working from a friend’s place. This evening I moved to another friend’s and will be availing of his spare room for the next week.

28

We stop on the Blauwbrug and look up along the Amstel, seeing a couple of other brugs lit up nice against the dull night sky. I say something silly and she cracks up. We’ve been laughing all evening, as usual. She makes me laugh more than any girl I’ve dated. Also, more than any girl I’ve dated, my eyes are rarely the only pair upon her on a night out.

29

Weird situation at that bar meetup tonight. Wasn’t expecting herself to be there. It was nice to see her, but we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend or anything, so I wasn’t sure how to behave. Focus my attention on her, or mix and mingle like I usually do (minus the flirting, of course)? I chose the latter, and it seems that was the wrong choice.

30

I only met these people fifteen minutes ago. Mike is strapped to my back, our legs dangling approximately three kilometers above the ground. Ruta is clinging to the side of the aircraft, her helmet cam pointed right at us. No countdown, no time to reconsider, Mike jolts us forward and we’re falling at 120mph and it’s hard to breathe.

31

My friend who’s hosting me has relentless energy, tough to keep up. I need regular downtime, give my brain a rest. Even simple conversation becomes a strain when my batteries are running low. I’m finding it’s best to let the energetic and extroverted types know this in advance, so later they’re not surprised and I don’t appear rude when my lethargic ass is sullen and withdrawn.