These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.
1
Working on my latest finance report. Things are getting more complex lately with VAT and bills and taxes. The price of staying in one place. I’m cutting it quite close money-wise, don’t have much of a buffer, little room for error. But I’ll make it work, figure something out. I’m good at that.
2
Posted on Facebook that idea about a US road trip in June, asked who wanted to join. Dozens of people expressed interest but only two reached out beyond the comments, sent me private messages to inquire further. That’s usually the way. We say we want something and get all excited, but desires and intentions alone don’t make shit happen.
3
Gym-bound at the crack, running on four hours sleep cutting through a narrow alley, feeling oddly energetic, blissful even. Feels like I’m on the verge of something, boulder cresting a hill. Later I’ll sit in a crowded room and listen to a lady strum a guitar and sing a song about love and bravery and it will all seem connected somehow.
4
It dawns on me about halfway through that he’s a level beyond where I’m at and there’s no way I’ll be able to afford his services. At least not yet. So I let him talk and try to follow along, but I’m distracted by his big watch and wondering why he hasn’t qualified me in some way to make sure I’m not wasting his time.
5
R invited us over for dinner at her new place. Minestrone. Just the three of us, sitting, chatting, eating, laughing. I don’t think they realize how much this fills me up, keeps my heart warm. Didn’t realize it myself until it was time to go and I was left wishing for more.
6
So far this month four people have canceled their recurring payments to 3M1K. None have asked for a refund. One tells me he’s too busy to devote time to the course right now, awaiting feedback from the others. My bad for not being more aware the last few weeks. I should notice when someone’s inactive and check in with them to see what’s up. Learning.
7
Hit the wall today. Burnt out. Run down. Feeling sorry for myself. Gave the gym a miss and skipped the 24-hour fast. Needed rest and comfort food. Still got the essentials done but also allowed myself to veg on the couch for a bit, watching Netflix and eating a whole bag of pistachios. Can’t afford days like this too often though. Back at it tomorrow.
8
Definitely pushing against my limits this week, but trying to stay focused on the upside. Significant growth potential here, no better time to cut the fluff, enforce boundaries, and demand respect. Kinda like like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Except, you know, I make my own breakfast.
9
Still skipping the gym, I’ll pass on salsa this eve, and now filtering emails from that tax guy who wants to bill me for the “free” consultation we had last week. Only so much I can handle at one time and stay sane. Ten skype calls scheduled today and a fever coming on to boot. I’m a mighty mighty man, I’m young and I’m in my prime.
10
Two calls with prospective clients, discussing projects worth $2,600. I found them both on Upwork, managed to get their attention despite 50+ competing proposals for each job. That’s one thing about creating my course: they say the best way to learn is to teach, and I’ve definitely become a better freelancer by teaching others how to become better freelancers.
11
Advising a member of 3M1K not to compare himself to others. There’s always someone out there faring better than you are, so it’s always a losing proposition. Then I hear of a friend who’s killing it with her online biz. She started later than me, and is now much further ahead. I’m happy for her, but it also makes me question what I’ve been doing.
12
Decided not to do that USA road trip in June. It would be cool and everything, but it would also be another project on my plate, a project requiring time and energy and money, both to plan and execute. I’d be falling back into that old habit of trying to do too much. (Actually, not sure I’ve ever broken that habit.)
13
Feeling the urge to get back to blogging more frequently. I quit my twice-a-week schedule in 2013, and traffic has plateaued since. I believe writing is my best contribution to the world, where my brightest future lies. But again, there’s that old habit to be wary of. Decided to ditch one project yesterday, and today I’m back on the hunt.
14
Imagine you really liked puppies but there was one puppy left on earth and you only got to play with him for five minutes every three days. That’s me as a boyfriend. Great when I’m there, but never around as much as you want me to be. Too busy trying to build that empire. Luckily, I’m nobody’s boyfriend. Barely make time for a booty call these days.
15
Sitting, sipping coffee, eyes towards arrivals. A very old priest walked by a minute ago with a big smile and a glow all around him. Then a lady with an Alsatian twice her size. Now a pretty girl in a hat, a couple embracing. I’m waiting for the folks, in town for my birthday. Looking forward to walks and talks and time away from the machine.
16
I tend not to make a big deal about my birthday. In my experience, trying hard to make a day special is a sure-fire way to make it suck. Anti-climactic and all that. But today was nice. Walking around Amsterdam, showing off the city to my parents, seeing things I’d never seen before. It’s good they’re here or I would have treated this like any other work day.
17
We pass under a canal and find ourselves on a 27-kilometer stretch of dam that seals off the old entrance to the port of Mokum. There’s no toll. There is a bike lane, all the way along. We’re in a rented car, making this the fifth country I’ve driven in. Twas a bit nerve-wracking this morning getting out of the city. Been a year since I got behind the wheel.
18
Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for family life. The wife and kids thing, I mean. Whenever I spend a full day around other people I start craving solitude, eager to sneak back to my little sanctuary and do my own thing, have some downtime, not speak to anyone. I was positively giddy today returning to the apartment.
19
Practicing tension. Habitual people-pleaser that I am, I tend to break it pretty fast. Been reading how important it is to maintain for flirting and seduction. So… out tonight, practicing, approaching, more eyes, less words. The cute blonde comes to find me later and asks if I’m going to take her number. Huh. Might be something to this.
20
A friend asked what my goal is when out meeting women. “Are you looking for validation, a girlfriend, or sex?” I’m not looking for a girlfriend, sex is great but I often prefer going home alone… so yeah, that leaves validation. Not saying I’m proud of it, but that’s most often what I’m seeking.
21
Energy has been low the last couple of weeks. Not sure if you get this too, but when I’m tired, the urge to consume grows stronger. Sleep would help most, but instead I’m compelled to stay up late watching Netflix and eating food I’m not hungry for. Trying hard to keep the binging at bay this eve. Sitting with the weariness, getting to know one another.
22
I had no freelance leads a month ago, having dropped all my clients late last year so I could focus on building 3M1K. Getting back in the swing of it now. Today I had a fresh inquiry in my inbox, two calls with prospective clients for projects worth $2,300, another message on Upwork regarding a $1k gig, and spent an hour working on an $800 project I landed last week.
23
Decided to quit salsa and skipped class tonight, doubt I’ll even finish out the month. Dancing two evenings a week isn’t enough to get good, and if I’m not getting good I’m getting frustrated. I could invest more of course, but I’m running low on downtime as is, gotta reserve most of my energy for work stuff. Keeping that sacred.
24
You’re in Amsterdam and have to get to the far side of the city in a hurry. You look up the route on Google Maps:
- 19 minutes by tram
- 15 minutes by car
- 13 minutes by bike
Gotta love his town.
25
Thinking back to last Saturday. The cute blonde. It occurs to me now that she wanted me to push it further, was likely disappointed that I didn’t. Asked her out for a drink this week but blown off. Good chance I’ll never seen her again, moment passed. Gotta stop assuming I know where the line is, keep pushing til I hit it.
26
If the same bad thing keeps happening to you over and over again, stop complaining and make a plan of action. Practice the exact words you’ll use next time you’re in a conversation you want out of. Mentally rehearse the exact actions you’ll take next time you sense a situation going awry. If x, then y. You’re the puppet and the puppeteer.
27
Built a lot of social momentum the past two days. Tempted to head out again tonight and keep it rolling. Tomorrow’s a bank holiday, everyone else is off, I deserve a break too, right? But, no, that’s dangerous thinking right there. Priorities. Focus. I’ve had enough fun for one weekend. Time to get back to work…
…and then the phone rings.
28
Reflecting on an interaction I had on Saturday with a Norwegian guy. I made a joke that he took offense to. “No fucking way,” he barked. “Take that back!” I kept quiet and gave him a look, half confused, half amused, as if to say, “Seriously?” For a moment it was a stand-off, and then I guess the tension got the best of him and he talked on like nothing had happened.
29
Came across this graphic on Facebook. That’s exactly how it’s been for me the past couple of months. But today was undoubtedly of the hell-yeah variety. Got back in from a meetup to find a fresh sale of 3M1K, a $72 affiliate commission, plus a message from a prospective client who’d like to chat more about a $6k pitch I submitted earlier.
30
Wednesdays be Skype days, batching my calls together. Had ten scheduled today, one cancelled, so I did nine. A couple of friends, some members of 3M1K, and some other folks curious about 3M1K. I don’t hard sell to that last group, but perhaps I should. I get the impression that some of them need that, too indecisive on their own.
31
Sorry to hark on about the 3M1K stuff, but hey, that’s my main thing right now. Put together my first case study today. One member started doing freelance editing and proofreading at the start of March and earned €1,226 for the month. She shared screenshots of her pitches and everything. You can see the case study here.