These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.
1
Spent four hours on a client project today, freelance web dev. That nets me $240 in a single afternoon, pretty good going. That said, I’m phasing out such work so I can focus on creating my own digital products (ebooks and courses). There are plenty of web developers out there who can do what I do, but few people can build what I have in mind.
2
Sitting, waiting, looking at that magnificent sky with all the red and purple and blue, streaked with jet streams lit up by the day’s last rays. I didn’t bring a book, don’t feel the urge to strike up with the people at the bench alongside. Trying to just sit and do nothing and be okay with that. Noticing my breath, the set of my shoulders, the here and the now.
3
Mornings are always better at her place. There’s a homely feel, with the good bread and the real butter and the soft old music and a kitten running around. Last night we slept together but didn’t make love, and it felt more intimate somehow. Now it’s time for me to leave. This goodbye will be sweet and gentle. With her it usually is.
4
Just met this guy, seems we know some of the same people. Almost right away he starts bad-mouthing an acquaintance we have in common. Nothing serious, but enough that I’m left with a less-than-favorable impression… of the mudslinger himself. You always wonder when someone is that quick to talk another down, if they’ll do the same to you once your back is turned.
5
Yesterday I hit up the Stedelijk. There was a big empty room made of wood, a pile of rocks scattered on the floor, and a massive square of black canvas stretched to the ceiling. This evening I find myself at the Sex Museum. There are big cocks made of wood, a pile of cocks scattered on the floor, and a massive black cock stretched to the ceiling.
6
Started hardcore into the course building today. Lots to do before I can launch it in January. The aim will be to take people from zero to $1k/month working online, within three months. That $1k/month mark is magic. Once you can make that much money from your laptop, a whole new world opens up. My goal is to help you get there.
7
Feeling tired but I push myself to go out for the evening anyway, check out a meetup nearby, drinks after work. I was hoping for a crowd, with a few pretty faces within, but it’s not to be tonight. That’s fine. These people are cool, and I enjoy their company for a couple of hours. Then it’s back home on two wheels through the drizzle.
8
Energy has been low this week, feeling depleted. Pretty sure I’ve been pushing too hard, expecting too much of myself, and then beating myself up for falling short. Like when a cute girl walks by and I don’t go talk to her, then proceed to self-flagellate for passing up the opportunity. Gotta quit that. Approach or stay. Be at peace either way.
9
Been a productive day. Made solid progress on the course and got a bunch of annoying admin shit done. Now I’m all clocked out, showered and fresh, on the bike rolling along canals and across bridges, Central Station bound. A girl will be getting off a train in eight minutes or so, and I promised I’d be there on the platform.
10
I met three men today in Amsterdam. Nate is nineteen from the twin cities, took the leap and moved to Germany to experience life abroad. Richard has been on the road five years, spent one living with hunter-gatherers deep in the jungle. Michael may be on the verge of winning a court battle to see his five-year-old daughter for the first time.
11
Just spent two hours writing a business plan, as required by my bank before they’ll issue a company credit card. Thing is, I’m pretty sure nobody will ever read those words. They might skim through to make sure it’s complete. But they won’t care what I wrote, just that I wrote something coherent. It’s a filtering mechanism, weeding out the lazy and inept.
12
Got lots done today, then headed to a Getting Things Done meetup with none other than Mr. David Allen himself. It was a nice, informal affair in the lounge of a five-star, canal-side hotel. The lights were dim, the waiters well-trained, and the tea expensive. We mingled, gathered around the main man, asked a few questions, took some photos.
13
There’s a slice of sun coming through the front window. I walk over in my fluffy puppy slippers to try get some on skin. Outside the city’s rubbing the sleep out of its eyes. Weather’s turned cold of late but it’s warm in here. In a minute I’ll hear the microwave ding and sit down with a good book for my first meal in twenty-four hours.
14
Not sure if I mentioned, but I’m writing a book about productivity, almost fifty chapters deep. The idea is to compile and explain all the fundamental concepts of productivity I’ve come across over the years. Yesterday I wrote four chapters, today was a grind so only made it through one. Aiming to have it launched some time before… we’ll see.
15
Speaking of productivity, the urge to procrastinate was strong in me today. I felt low-energy, distracted, didn’t get done what I had planned. But I didn’t waste the day either, accepted the lull and switched to lower-level stuff, got a bunch of maintenance tasks off my plate. Feels good, getting shit done even on the lazy days.
16
There’s a drizzle in the evening air, acting like a filter, more shimmer in our eyes. The walk was a good idea. I’m taking her now to see a grand bookcase behind spiral stairs. People tend to leave lights on and curtains open in this town, as if their front rooms are exhibits in some city-wide museum. There’s extra warmth in those rooms tonight.
17
Woke up together and lazed the afternoon away, then apple pie in a cafe where Malcolm Gladwell happened to be. We spent hours roaming the straats and grachts, capturing memories, and now find ourselves in a vintage fashion store after closing, trying on everything and being treated to free food and drink by the quirky proprietor.
18
Sent out for shampoo, but the marathon is happening and they’ve got the street between here and the supermarket blocked off. I ask a lady with a bike if they’re letting people through. I have to ask three times because she doesn’t understand me. They eventually herd us through in big batches, stopping in the middle and directing the runners around.
19
Doing my usual 24-hour fast on a Monday. I’m so used to it by now that it’s usually not a big deal, but today was tough for a stretch. I’ve learned from fasting how often I turn to eating as a form of procrastination, or as a stress release. When you take away that coping mechanism, there’s nothing left to do but lean into the discomfort.
20
Out my back window I can look into an office building. It’s an open workspace, several people sharing a big desk. I don’t rail against 9-to-5 the way I used to — I acknowledge and appreciate the advantages of regular employment a lot more nowadays — but it’s not something I’d like to go back to. Self-employment has been a rough road, but worthwhile.
21
Working inside alone all day, I try get out and do something social most evenings. Just back from a meetup at a bar nearby, met some good people there, including a couple of guys I’ll try stay in touch with. I’d like to have a core group of guy friends here that I see regularly, brothers on the path. Need more of that positive masculine energy in my life.
22
I joined a gym on September 16. The fee was €110 for twelve months. I’ve been there 26 times already, yet to miss a weekday session. That works out to €4.23 per visit (so far). I asked the guy at the front desk how they stay in business at those rates. Apparently they have thirty-thousand members. Ninety-five percent of them never show up.
23
I’ve got many things on automatic here now, freeing up time for work and social. I eat the same few meals over and over, have my grocery shopping down to two trips each week, can do my workout routine with eyes closed, have reminders set to take out the trash and water the plants, checklists to rip through every morning and evening.
24
At a plein in Utrecht there are a dozen pairs of people sat on the ground, facing each other. I find a loner and plop down opposite. He’s about my age, with long hair and a welcoming vibe. We pass the next two minutes looking deep into each other’s eyes, no words, just a shared gaze and the occasional smile.
25
Yesterday I was sold on a coat but walked out of the store without buying. I like to see how the shopkeeper treats me after he thinks he’s lost a sale. If he remains warm and pleasant, I’ll go back later and become his customer. But if he turns cold and shitty, we’re done. This morning it occurs to me that women might be doing the same thing when they withhold sex.
26
I wish people knew how to better handle disagreements. In recent days I’ve had my character called into question and someone else told me to fuck off. What did they achieve with those words? The goal of communication should be to understand and be understood, but too often we settle for making ourselves feel big and the other person feel small.
27
Took a class on Buddhism last night. I like a lot of the concepts, but the karma/reincarnation bit is hard for me to accept, comes across somewhat heartless (“Tough shit, you had it coming!”) and self-centered (“Check me out, bitches, all eternal and whatnot.”). Still, I did some digging online today and came away intrigued. That Ian Stevenson dude…
28
Can you disagree with someone and still like/respect them? For most of us I think the answer is no. We take disagreements very personally. Saw it tonight at a meetup, one guy getting frustrated with another because they couldn’t see eye to eye. At a certain point you have to let go and move on. Persistence is futile.
29
They don’t do the cash thing much here in the Netherlands. Last weekend I self-serviced a coffee at Central Station only to find I couldn’t pay with metal nor paper. Yesterday I went to a new mini-market around the corner and was told they only accept cards. Guess I should embrace it. I track my spending tight, needn’t worry I’ll get carried away.
30
Gym streak over. Hadn’t missed a weekday since I joined but started coming down with a dose yesterday and poor sleep last night. Better to skip it and rest up. Passing on a night out with friends, too. Still got a good chunk of work done today, kept things ticking over. Productivity habits serving me well even on down days.
31
Storytelling festival across the Ij. The two speakers tonight are great technically, but they’re telling us fables, featuring witches and banquets and talking skulls. Which is fine, but these tall tales anyone can tell. I’d much rather hear stories from people who lived through them, seeing with their own eyes and feeling with their own heart.