These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.
1
When people ask which is my favorite place I’ve been, I answer that my two favorite cities are Amsterdam and New Orleans. But after just two days in Barcelona, methinks I’ll be adding it as a third. I could get lost in these gothic streets for years, eating tapas, admiring stone, wiling away afternoons in hidden coffee shops, spots of sun sneaking through the leaves of plane trees.
2
I’ve given up the chase. I’ll still approach and escalate, but I won’t make it my main thing. Gonna focus on hobbies and friendship and let things unfold naturally, no forcing. With this decided, I’m at peace passing beautiful women on the streets, chatting with attractive ladies at the hostel. No pressure. No wanting. Just breathe.
3
Fourteen-bed dorm. Everyone was out last night, except me. I stayed in, read a bit about Winston Churchill, watched a movie. It’s eight a.m. now and the room feels hungover, one dude snoring like a bear, one chick comatose with her tits out. I lace em up and hit the streets running, park-bound in the morning sun, beneath parakeets and palm trees and balconies.
4
I’ve been testing out a new set of food rules for myself. They’re pretty detailed. I have a points system now, deducting points for eating certain foods. The goal is to average 9/10 or better for six days, then reward myself with a cheat day. It’s going well so far, but the system needs battle-testing the next couple of weeks on the road before I call it a keeper.
5
Wandering these narrow streets, looking for a coffee shop. I find one and knuckle down for a work session, only to find they have the worst wifi in the history of mankind. Ah well, guess I’m not supposed to work right now. I kick back and read a bit, scribble on some postcards, finish a sudoku. Been thinking lately that feeling unrushed has a lot to do with happiness.
6
I may have spoke too soon about giving up the chase. Met up with a friend today and we walked around and did a few approaches. Had some fun interactions, got one number. I think there’s a balance that can be struck, knowing when to face the fear, and when to let go. I don’t want to be rubbernecking, nor do I want to be completely passive.
7
Wrote my own press release earlier this week and sent it to a bunch of media contacts in Ireland. That led to a Skype interview today. Three things I’m aiming for: get some traffic to the site; inspire a few people to chase their own crazy dreams; and remind myself of what I’ve accomplished these last few years, people met, adventures had.
8
Comfortable silences. Working on those. Just met this girl at the hostel, enjoying her company all evening, but trying to resist the urge to jump in and fill every lull in the conversation. I see if I can just sit there and be at peace with the silence, wait until she has something else to say. Next I’ll need to add more eye contact and easy smiles.
9
My last night in Barcelona. I used to like the feeling of leaving town, but not so much anymore. Three weeks from now, when asked the question, “How long are you here for?” my reply will feel like apple pie, all warm and sweet inside, a one-word answer preceded by a contented sigh: “Indefinitely.”
10
Daft Punk on my mind as I wait to board a bus bound for Paris. Who knows when I’ll take another overnight. I flash back along the trail as I sit here, to other stations I’ve sat in, people watching, patiently waiting. Bucharest, Tehran, Luang Prabang, Managua. These buildings have been good to me. So have the journeys in between.
11
Paris, France. The weather is beautiful here today. I break a 27-hour fast and take a quick nap at the hostel, then head to the park to do some stretching and save myself $1k. On the grass between an old clock tower and a man-made lake, couples cuddle and kids play. Regular people going about their lives, while I’m just passing through.
12
Got a taste of it today: that feeling of community. Met up with friends and we spent the evening sitting by the Seine, basking in the sinking sun. The riverbanks were packed with people, some working out, some having a drink, laughs and smiles all around. There was a magic feel about the place, social circles interweaving like a venn diagram all massive and merry.
13
I sometimes wonder if it’s just me or is every guy constantly sizing up every woman he meets, asking himself, a) would I want to get jiggy with her? and b) what are the chances she wants to get jiggy with me? Even when I decide to just have a nice platonic time with a girl, those thoughts are always there lurking in the back of my horny man mind.
14
The conversation’s getting good, and seems like L really needs to be heard, so I forget about catching the last train back to the hostel. Worst case scenario, we can both crash here at A’s place. I make it sound like no big deal but that’s actually a big win for me: letting go of the original plan in favor of the moment, just sitting and being there for a friend.
15
Watching a red sunset from the deck of a ferry heading out of Cherbourg. Tomorrow I’ll be home, 44 months and 37 countries after setting out. I’ve come full circle, completed the loop, done something few people ever have or will. And it’s all a bit overwhelming right now, many a memory vying for a good spot in the lane. I’ll let them sort themselves out, and just enjoy the view.
16
Twas a rough night sleeping across two seats on the ferry, but I’m awake at the crack and giddy like a kid at Christmas. Today is the day, three and a half years in the making. I go up on the top deck and find it empty. The helicopter pad becomes my dance floor, the wind my music, the rising sun my spotlight, and I dance the dance of a very happy man.
17
Ran into an old school friend in the supermarket. He married a nice hometown girl, works a steady job, raising a kid or two. And I see on Facebook that the girl I dated here several years ago is getting hitched soon. An alternative life flashing before my eyes, the path I chose not to choose. But I think I could have found peace on that path, too.
18
I’m exhausted, took a ninety minute nap today despite solid sleep the past few nights. I think I need the down time, though it’s always a challenge for me to unplug completely. It’s not in my genes to sit around and do nothing. But I’m trying to keep the work stuff at bay and be okay with wiling away a few unproductive hours at home.
19
Still lonely, longing for deeper chats and intimacy, but it’s easier knowing that I’ll be starting a new life soon, one which won’t involve faces and places changing quite so rapidly. Instead I’ll be building foundations, investing in friendships, relationships, community. It won’t happen overnight, I know, but it will happen. I’ll put in the time.
20
It’s interesting that people keep asking what’s next, what’s next, what’s next. I just got done traveling around the world for 44 months, give me a chance to catch my breath! At the same time though, I know they’re just echoing the thoughts in my head. And many of those thoughts are about Amsterdam. My new life starts there in eleven days.
21
It’s easy get excited by business ideas. I’ve been obsessing on one this week, thinking it’s a no-brainer, that people would be mad not to buy in. But it’s all in my head so far. I haven’t talked to any potential customers. I’m actually stalling on doing just that, because I like this excited feeling, and real-world feedback might extinguish it all too soon.
22
We just left a one-man show about an Irishman who explored the Antarctic a century ago. The light is fading on a Friday evening in Cork, and the city’s vibrant as ever. We bump into a friend of my cousin and stop to chat about strong dogs and improv comedy and lying down in department stores. There’s a homely feel about all this, something I’ve been missing.
23.
Our conversations are long and rambling and range from the deep and philosophical to the silly and immature. I’ll share one topic we dove into today, that being a question on evil: Does it exist beyond humans, or is it purely a human concept, a label we apply to things we don’t like or understand? Can a wolf be evil, for example? Or a hurricane? Or a mountain?
24
There was something that man said today that struck me as profound, and I remember thinking as he said it that I should try to remember what he said so I could write about it later, but then he kept talking and I kept thinking and between the trying to listen to the new thing and trying not to forget the old thing, it wasn’t long before I’d lost it all.
25
I walked into seven businesses today, off the street, out of the blue, and tried to learn what I could about their online marketing. It was a lot like approaching and hitting on women. Some interactions went well, some went poorly. The trick, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, is to go from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
26
Today was lots of face time with cool people, just sitting and chatting. I bought a friend lunch, another friend bought me dinner. I took some scary business action, made some money and learned a few things. I sat in the sun and drank coffee and read a book. It was one of those perfect days, the kind we dream of having but too often fail to appreciate when they come along.
27
Another alternative life flashed before my eyes today, as I was down on my aunt’s farm, nine acres of beautiful countryside with an old mill and a shy stream and all kinds of birdsong. Part of me longs to work the land, to plant and grow and shape a landscape. Maybe build a big outdoor gym, a spartan-style obstacle course, cabins and camping grounds, too.
28
I walk out of there thinking the meeting could not have gone better. Exactly the kind of business — and the kind of people — I’d like to help. Now that we’ve shaken hands and I’ve a foot in the door, all I have to do is boost their sales, leverage that success to sell others on the same service, scale the bejesus out of it, and reap the rewards. Simple, right?
29
My grandmother was born in the house she still lives in. She grew up riding horses and fetching water and leaving bicycles unlocked in public places. All her schooling was in Irish and she remembers the priest calling to the house to give you a scolding if you skipped mass of a Sunday. In her cupboard there’s an envelope full of postcards a grandson sent her.
30
Having spent the past two weeks living back home and visiting family, you might have expected me to write more on that topic, but my family is quite private you see. While I’m happy to be very transparent about my own life online, I try to respect the fact that not everyone likes having their words and deeds written about on the Internet. (Pretty sure my gran won’t mind though.)
31
It’s 3:08 am and there’s the sound of a clock ticking and keys tapping but nothing else. The countryside is dark and quiet. I doubt there’s another person awake for miles. The past two weeks have been like the slow turn of a page, and now comes a new chapter. It begins with a giant flying machine rocketing me towards the land of tulips and windmills.