Momentos – Mar 2014

These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish monthly. Some links are affiliate links.

1

Fifteen days and six thousand-plus kilometers later, we arrive in Mexico. For two hours I stand on the bridge of the beast and watch our approach. It’s after dark, skies clear and stars brilliant. Two tugs and a pilot guide us into the sleepless port. Monster ships and monster cranes controlled by tiny humans. Too late to go exploring when the ropes are dropped, best get some sleep.

2

Sun going down and eager for a good view, I head into the concrete hills of Manzanillo, up slim steps and through narrow alleyways. I throw an old man a buenas tardes, tell an old lady I like her hat, exchange friendly palabras with a man named Oscar. Then the path becomes more soil than stone and the dogs begin to bark. Fuckers are furious and suddenly all around me. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

3

There’s something called the Beaufort wind scale that’s used to describe sea conditions. Twelve is a hurricane. Eight is a gale. Zero is no wind, sea like a mirror. Apparently the latter is rare in the Pacific and Atlantic; too many currents. These past few days have been a one or two on the scale, no swells and thus minimal rolling. Ship so stable they’ve dusted off the ping pong table.

4

Barbecue today, joint celebration of the good weather and the chief engineer’s upcoming birthday. The grill is set up starboard side of E-deck, and there’s hot dogs and guacamole and a whole stuffed pig. I spend most of the evening chatting with the cadets. “I’d love to do what you do,” one says to me. A decade my junior, I tell him he’s far ahead of where I was ten years ago.

5

She asked me never to write about what happened between us. And I promised I wouldn’t. But that was two years ago now. Before getting on the ship I asked if she’d reconsider, hoping I could tell our story in the book. I wrote the chapter mid-Pacific and sent it to her while in Manzanillo, requesting approval before publishing. Awaiting her response.

6

I’m starting to feel it, eager to get back to work. Real, money-making work. Call me crazy, but I still believe I can put $100k in the bank by the end of the year, even though I’ll barely have two percent of that when I step off this ship. These next five months will be make or break, through Peru and Bolivia before settling in Brazil. I’ll need fast cash to make the Rio dream happen.

7

One day in Panama, I head to a mall for language practice. Resistance is a motherfucker, but eventually I get rolling. A couple eating ice cream, a pair of elderly gents on a bench, dude in line at the supermarket… then a cheesy opener for three stunners: “Perdone, tengo una pregunta. Es mi primero día en Panama. Dime, son todas las chicas aquí tan guapa como ustedes?”

8

I must have spent six hours writing today. A couple more chapters and the book is pretty much done. I go back and forth between excited and nervous. Sometimes I feel it’s my best work, other times that I’m incredibly self-obsessed to have written thirty-thousand words about my travels. Reality surely falls somewhere between the extremes. I guess I’ll leave it for the reader to decide.

9

We crossed the line right as the sun set behind some brilliant wisps of cloud, and the whole starboard sky lit up like a farmhouse fireplace seen through sleepy child eyes. Right on cue came a pair of dolphins in the distance, dancing above and below the red ocean sheen. Being there and breathing it all in, you couldn’t help but feel that everything was right with the world, and always would be.

10

The ocean is alive down around here. I saw a group of dolphins this morning close to the bow, followed by some shy whales off in the distance. More dolphins could be seen throughout the day. I glanced out the window at one point and saw several playing in the waves. Meanwhile, I’ve been busy sneaking around the ship and filming myself dancing like a lunatic. Only been caught once so far.

11

I’ve accomplished every goal I set for myself on this trip. Two books pretty much written, exercised five times a week, squatted fifteen minutes a day (until my knee ached), spent thirty minutes a day studying Spanish, averaged at least eight hours of sleep, finished reading at least five books (actually eight), avoided scurvy and shipwreck. All in all, a solid few weeks.

12

We cruise the last few hours to kill time, port not ready to receive us just yet, finally arrive right before the dusk, Lima shy in the fog with mountaintops peeking through the sky. I’ll spend one more night on the ship, then let myself loose on a whole new continent. But this moment right here, this one crammed with anticipation, I almost don’t want it to end.

13

First day in South America tops off with a four-hour dinner in the open air, conversation flowing with smart and thoughtful people. Kevin just put on an event for 150 heads in San Diego. Heather almost died last week on a ship back from Antarctica. And James builds tall bicycles and organizes music festivals in Australia. This is my church. Where’s yours?

14

We talk about non-violent communication, about situationism, about really trying to understand where other people are coming from and not responding in anger. Sometimes though, I believe all that stuff is just and excuse to avoid confrontation. Sometimes, I believe an angry outburst is entirely appropriate. That’s all some people pay attention to.

15

The bus to Cusco makes a good first impression. There are fully reclining seats and private TV screens. But the headphones don’t work, the road is bumpy, and the trip takes 23 hours. Still, the views offer good compensation. I woke up this morning and looked out the back window to see the road behind us disappearing beneath a carpet of cloud.

16

I quit drinking three and a half years ago, dreaming of a day like today. The birthday boy in a mad Irish pub on Paddy’s weekend, able to let loose with nare a tipple. Chatting and laughing with strangers, dancing for hours, and making a move on the girl with the deep eyes and cute smile. I had many a good night on the piss, but none can compare to this.

17

The Wild Rover in Cusco is a special place, pub and hostel combined. People plan to stop a day or two and end up staying for weeks. I’m sure the biz turns a tidy profit but easy tell that’s not the point. An old school buddy runs the joint, a man who has found his calling, doing his utmost to create the best of times for whoever comes through.

18

Just moved into a new gaff, like a decent hotel room with fast wifi and a shared kitchen downstairs. Cost is about $53 a week, will stay here for three and get back on track with the work stuff. My savings are now at their lowest point since I quit my day job back in 2010. Luckily, I’m more confident than ever in my ability to earn. Time to punch in.

19

It’s an interesting mix of people you see here, three distinct types. You have all the foreigners roaming around the place, often dressed for the beach. Then the urban Peruvians in modern dress. And then the rural Peruvians in traditional garb, usually with a baby wrapped to their back with a rainbow blanket. The latter group never looks very happy.

20

The market is closed so we head to a juice shop. On the way I stumble through an explanation of my spiritual beliefs, then over the jugo we talk about vegetarianism and that whole lark. Later we stroll through the plazas and she tells me about the time some dude swam in the fountain to impress her. I repeat back to make sure I understood. Tis coming along nicely.

21

We’re dating, though she knows I’m only here for a short time and there’s been no spoken commitment. But if I’m out some night and hit it off with someone else, does that constitute as cheating? I’d be okay with her dating other people, but pretty sure she doesn’t share that sentiment. And I don’t want to do it behind her back, feels too sneaky.

22

The town is called Aguas Calientes. Accordingly, there’s a hot spring, and we make that our first stop after lunch. We soak in the drizzle and see a hummingbird and meet an Englishman who can’t comprehend making money online. I’m struck distracted by all the bodies. Jealous of that guy’s pecs. Impressed with the shape of the elderly gent. Wowed by those hourglass gals.

23

It was built some five hundred years ago, and abandoned a century later. Nobody really knows why. The construction process also remains a mystery. They didn’t use wheels or iron tools, yet they managed to quarry, carve, transport and place massive rocks all around the mountain. And they were smart, their architecture accounting for earthquakes and erosion.

24

Lying in bed this morning, making her late for work, and then I say it: “I’m worried that you want to be my girlfriend.” She says yes, she’d like that, but she understands that we’re only temporary. Which is a relief, but something still feels off about all this. She likes me too much, that’s probably it. It would be perfect if I left town tomorrow, but I’ll be here two weeks yet.

25

On the walk back up the will, thinking how to handle the call. I’d like to talk her into it, but any attempt to do so will most likely be futile. You can’t change a mind that doesn’t want to be changed, pointless to even try. So I’ll just aim to understand, as deeply as I can, why she doesn’t want me to publish what happened between us. Fuck. Wish I’d never made such a promise.

26

I haven’t been exercising much here. It’s cold for one thing, the air is thin, and the place I’m staying isn’t all that conducive to my regular core and stretch workouts. But not to worry. I’ll just focus on the work stuff and watch what I eat. I’ve got the meal routine down pretty good. Breakfast at home, then lunch and dinner in the same spots every day. Plenty of soups and salads should do the trick.

27

So it’s like this: if I want to go to the travel conference in Brazil next month (should be good networking for the SaaS biz), and then set up shop in a nice apartment in some cool Brazilian city for three months, I need to conjure up somewhere in the vicinity of $2k before mid-April. This is the corner I painted myself into, and I’m actually pleased to be here. Lots of learning dead ahead.

28

If you’d told me this morning that things would shake out like this, I would have been quite happy about it. Pretty much the best case scenario, no tears, no drama, spoke my truth and parted on terms amicable. Yet I still feel a tad uneasy. And I know why. It’s that disease to please. I hate to disappoint people, even when it’s the smart thing to do.

29

There’s the sound of smashed glass, voices raised and feet scuffling. I turn off the light and pull back the curtain. It’s a full-on brawl happening right outside my window, looks like it spilled out of the pub across the way. One middle-aged dude is getting the worst of it, down on all fours and suffering kicks to the head. They leave him lying in the middle of the street. I wonder if I should go help.

30

Cusco doesn’t feel so cuddly at four o’clock in the morning on the walk back from the hospital. You see faces drooling on doorsteps and an old man dragging a ragged sack of plastic bottles. There’s rubbish everywhere and the unrelenting smell of piss. You stay wary of the shadows, adjusting your gear to aid a getaway. Face straight ahead, eyes scanning side to side.

31

I published the book today. Made about $300 in pre-sales, which was nice. I’m aiming for a hundred total sales before mid-April, which would be at least $1,000 in revenue. Not big money, but I’d be pretty happy with that. The reviews have been good so far, though it’s mostly been friends reviewing. You never really know how good your work is until strangers have their say.